Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
