Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
