Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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