I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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