I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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