# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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