I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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