My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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