I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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