i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
