Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i came on her dog
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
