How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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