1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
