i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
