watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
