when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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