There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
