9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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