How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
tell me about the fingering
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
