Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
