yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
