Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
