dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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