We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
