mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Me too!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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