i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize