i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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