Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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