I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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