No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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