I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
