We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
