Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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