i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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