Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
