omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
