i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
