i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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