hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
