wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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