there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
