Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
