hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
