There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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