She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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