If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
