The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
