whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my liver is dry heaving
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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