just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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