So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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