You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
