Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
