We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
