why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
