i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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