it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
