Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
