Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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