we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
