Is it because I queefed?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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