Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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