If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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