weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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